Lately, I have been on a quest to find my voice in business and as an individual. I sometimes find myself going down the social media rabbit hole comparing myself and Mae B to company's I admire. "Maybe I'll develop content like theirs," I say to myself before climbing out of the rabbit hole and remember I have to find my voice not emulate someone else's.
When I bump into classmates, childhood friends, or those that know my company, I am met with phrases like, "Girl, you're killin' it." "Your business seems to be going great." The fact that my peers are seeing me through such a positive lens is flattering, but it also makes me nervous, to be honest about all of the up's and down's I'm experiencing in business and life. But, each time I share real pieces of my journey I get butterflies. I always get them when I know I'm going in the right direction with a new product.
You know the quote,"fake it until you make it"? The ideology behind that quote has never given me butterflies. It's mostly given me anxiety with a hint of insecurity. The idea of flexing for the gram has never felt good but I admit there was a time when I flexed. We all do it. Social media is the curated version of our lives. We share what we want other's to see. Most of the time that only involves the picturesque parts of our journey's because if we show the difficult parts, we will no longer live up to the perfectly filtered story we've created.
As I said before, the fake it until you make mentality has never felt like an authentic choice for me. How do you find your voice if how people view you is in the back of your mind? I don't always love the hardship I face as an entrepreneur but I appreciate the beauty in my struggle. There is always a lesson. I understand that sharing the struggles I face as an entrepreneur can help a budding #girlboss. I share the unmade up photos of myself because it takes the pressure off of having to be camera ready every day. There is something freeing about being yourself in your everyday life and letting it show up in your newsfeed.
My sister and I make up free in our pj's.
I no longer worry about what people think of me or try to live up to the Bianca that everyone thinks I should be. Living up to the expectations of others and stifling your voice is exhausting. It's soul sucking. I beginning to feel grounded. I am starting to find my authentic voice. It's quiet, sappy, a little witty, and unapologetic. You too can find your authentic voice if you ground yourself and quiet the noise. I am still a work in progress and sometimes the noise around seems to be blaring at me, but as it gets louder I remind myself my voice is the only one that matters. I owe it myself to stay true to the voice that lives inside of me.